04 February 2016
So we decided to get a puppy. Our very first puppy. Our very first dog. Period. It'll be great, right? Puppy snuggles and super-cuteness that grows into a calm, fun-loving, delightful companion. Right?
Right?
Not exactly..
This is the story of what getting a puppy is like when you've NEVER had a dog before. EVER. Today I'll start with a few myths that have been quickly dispelled..
MYTH #1: Puppies are soft and cuddly
Yes. Yes, they are. But they come with razor-sharp teeth and claws. When you pet them, they will nip at you, bite you, and jump all over you. Remember NEVER to wear good clothes around your puppy because your puppy will bite holes in them and put mud and dirt all over them. Your puppy might not be too keen to be cuddled. My puppy gets very nippy during cuddle sessions. NOT fun! And accessories? Forget about it! Dangling necklaces and ear rings are potentials for real disaster!
MYTH #2: My friend has a puppy that never had an accident in the house
This friend is a liar. Or has selective memory. Or is just dog-gone lucky Puppies do NOT come house broken. They will PEE and POOP all over whatever space you allow them into. Think carefully - do you want that puppy on your rug? No? Make sure your puppy NEVER has access to the rug. Once your puppy PEES on your rug, he will happily PEE there again. You think you can watch them like a hawk and catch them before they have an accident. You can try, but even hawks have to blink every once in a while..
MYTH #3: Puppies sleep a lot
Okay - that's kind of true. But when they are awake, they are AWAKE. And you will get NOTHING done. That's because your puppy will suck every minute of your time. If you are not paying attention to your puppy, your puppy will start to bark/bite/jump/pee/poop to force to you pay attention to him. Sure, eventually your puppy will be tired. After you've taken him to potty, walked him, played with him, fed him, tried to teach him not to jump on you, taken him to potty again, walked him some more, cleaned him up after he got himself all muddy, rescued your shoes/books/computer cord/newspaper/jacket/leash from his mouth, played with him, fed him.. You can put him in his crate and finally have a few moments to go to the bathroom, get yourself a snack, and just like that - he'll be awake and need to be taken out for a potty break and it all starts again..
MYTH #4: Puppies love kids
How about "Puppies love TO JUMP ALL OVER kids"? That's what my puppy likes to do. And nip at them. Endlessly. My puppy completely disrespects my kids. He eats their pants/shirt/shoe laces. He listens selectively to them (he'll do a nice "sit" ONLY if the kids have a treat AND he happens to feel like it). Mostly, he just likes to jump all over them. How do you teach puppies to respect kids? If only I knew..
MYTH #5: Reward-based training is the best way to curb unwanted puppy behaviour
You want your puppy not to jump up? Ignore him when he jumps and reward the heck out of "4 paws on the ground". Soon, he won't want to jump since he is only rewarded when he *doesn't* jump. It's a great theory. We've been working hard on it. Every day. The problem is, you can reward the heck out of him for 4 paws on the ground. But the next thing you know, puppy has been rewarded with his entire breakfast and you now have nothing to reward him with. What happens? Puppy jumps up. So you turn and ignore him. What does he do? He pees on your floor..
MYTH #6: You need to teach puppies to use a "soft mouth"
Right. When my puppy has that wild, crazy look on his face and his teeth are snapping left, right, and centre, I'm keeping my hands the heck out of the way. Actually, I'm keeping my whole self away. Crazy dog! Trying to teach a "soft mouth" involves actually letting him bite you. And guess what? that HURTS! I'm trying to teach my puppy not to bite at all. When I finally figure out how to do that, I'll let you know. For now, the daily chomp-fest continues..
MYTH #7: You need patience and a sense of humour
Patience is a virtue. Your puppy will test that virtue again and again and again and again.. Just like that, you'll find your sense of humour flying out the window. Never mind patience and a sense of humour. What you need is a good support group!
MYTH #8: Enjoy the puppy phase - it passes far too quickly
Before I got my puppy, I dreamed of a companion. With whom I share a mutual love and respect. To have fun with. To relax with. To hang out with. To run with. To have fun with. Where is this animal? And does he really live somewhere inside my puppy?? One day when I'm saying this to someone else, please remind me that puppies are A LOT of work. That they destroy your stuff. They test your patience. And right now, that puppy phase can't pass quickly enough..
MYTH #9: Spray Bitter Apple on anything you don't want your puppy to chew
It's true - my puppy HATES Bitter Apple spray. It has worked great on baseboards, table legs and chairs. But you can empty an entire bottle of Bitter Apple spray but he will NOT stop eating your shoes!
MYTH #10: Having a puppy is like having a baby
I had a couple of babies. That was hard. Having a puppy is hard too. Both puppies and babies throw your life upside down. But here's the thing: you have a certain amount of natural instinct when it comes to raising your offspring. With a dog, all your instincts are WRONG. Your puppy does NOT appreciate being patted on the head (that's a sure way to get him to nip at you). When he is scared, you do NOT want to cuddle him because otherwise, he'll be EVEN MORE SCARED next time. When he jumps on you, do NOT force him forward with your knee/take a step backward/say "down"/react in any way because you are reinforcing his behaviour with your reaction. But if you do nothing, you are telling the dog that he is welcome to invade your space whenever he feels like it. Books - could you please agree on how to MAKE THIS PUPPY STOP JUMPING? I digress. Do NOT rely on your instincts.
The long and short of it is - having a puppy in your life means saying "goodbye" to the life you once knew. You are now the proud owner of a destructive creature with no impulse control. Puppies are HARD!
